Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
