i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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