She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
