I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize