Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize