imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
