cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
