It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
