Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
