You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
