Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
