overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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