party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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