A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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