dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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