If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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