no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
