She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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