i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
