I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
