Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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