I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
