You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
