Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
