I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
