i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
