U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
pop tarts are not kleenex
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
