last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
