Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
