Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
