What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
