Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
