You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
