I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
