Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
