Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
