thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
