It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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