We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
