you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
