Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
