I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
