ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
