It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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