Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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