I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
