its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
