I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
