did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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