Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
