I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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