I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
