I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
