playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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