I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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