is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
