on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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