drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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