There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
