Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize