hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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