The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
