I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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