I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
is that a dick in a sweater?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
