I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize