Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The power of my boobs compel you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
