he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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