my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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