Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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