Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sober January is a disaster.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
