I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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