its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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