1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
