Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
