I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
