I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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