i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There r osticjed everywhere
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
