the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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