His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
