im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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