Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
