There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
