who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
