And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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