Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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