awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
