Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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