He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
