I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
