The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
