he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
