I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
