Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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