I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
