All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
