if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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